Friday, 22 July 2011

Mini New Yorker......and being a foster child

Ok so you may read that and go well that's not the normal light hearted blog we are used to but I was reading another blog and it was quite inspiring as she told her story about her struggle with bullying.

Well being a foster child was not plane sailing.....I felt like the out-sider most of the time. It was like I was looking through a window and all the other children having fun on the other side.
 As a foster child it's a gamble where you might end up and I remember moving about 6 or 7 time before I was 8. That was just part of it I guess and never having toys of your own always having to just make do with what you would be allowed to play with. I remember one house vividly- it was the last house I lived in before I was adopted. I was always blamed for things that the other children had done I would just be bad because I was already being blamed for it- that was a hard habit to break when I was adopted...!!
I was left for my own devices, so I would draw a lot which was never really picked up while I was in foster care, that I was talented! I think because I couldn't read or write they just thought I was dumb. Most of the years before I was adopted were a blur and I don't remember celebrating my birthday and most Christmas' much but do remember seeing the other children rip open their presents, they had bright smiles and their eyes were glinting.....I remember feeling horrible and I cried myself to sleep. Most of the time though I was in a world of my own and I think that was the best thing....!! At the last house I would often take myself off to the bottom of the garden and pretend to be an explorer and get all mucky. I am still interested in clambering over rocks and going on adventures....!!! That love was spurred on by my family, especially my dad who would love to go on big adventures....I would love jumping into his jeep Cherokee and end up somewhere exciting and normally with a pre-made picnic- another love of my mine which is why we put it on our wedding list....!!! I do remember exploring in the garden then deciding to run away....I think I did it a few times...thinking back it was quite dangerous really.....

I think you can spot a foster child a mile of when they turn up to school....the uniform is too big or too small.....normally hand me down stuff and I never looked clean and tidy-very hair was cut in a hap-hazard manner with a wonky fringe I must have looked like a right state. I would get bored at school as I couldn't read or write so I would get bored rather quickly and take myself off.....I went to the bathroom once and I decided I would decorate it in toilet paper- I was that bored....I don't remember being told off....who would have thought a naughty foster kid would end up in the police and become a rather elegant!! I was always adamant that I would not end up being like all these sad stories about yet another foster kid ending up in the vicious circle.

It's funny really when people found out at secondary school I was adopted they would say I "wasn't wanted" but it was actually the other way around. My family picked me and I picked them and I think the saying "you can pick your friends but not your relatives" isn't true because I was a bit older so I got a wish list. I asked for a brother, a cat, a dog and a big garden.....well I got all 4 and an amazing family.....!!
was an nightmare for a few years due to being moved's hard to adjust with different styles of upbringing......!!! As a foster child you were left to your own devises and discipline was not used to keep me in check so...there were a few was in Tkmax and I screamed my lungs off because I wasn't aloud something.... bet my mum wondered what she had let herself into!!
My parent were good with me but very strict.....I was grounded a lot as a teenager which was a blessing in disguise really....a lot of the people at my school seemed to do a lot of partying and getting up to mischief. I am so glad that I didn't take much notice of what else was going on as it is so easy to be dragged along into these situations. At our wedding one of my old teachers said "you were an odd little thing" which is still true today....I'm still a bit quirky!!!
Lots of children in the system get lost or put into the wrong families and just ended up as a wasted soul. I am glad that I made something of myself and I hope other people who have been in foster care read this and see hope as we don't have to end up like the lost children before us.

I guess my question to you....for me nurture was much stronger than nature so it’s seems you really can become a new person and genetics has some bearing on your life but not all and you can change a path your life was set out on a re-direct it to where you want to go.....I am now happily married and looking forward to starting a family.....even though many professionals said I would never have a real relationship and or go to uni but I have am proving them wrong every day....A true fairy tale ending....

Any who I am off I think that is enough off my story.......
so toodles xxxxx