So I lost my Dad in 2009 when I was 23 years old after 4 years of bravely battling cancer, multiple myeloma which caused kidney failure. He was diagnosed in 2005, I remember being picked up by Mum and my brother was in the front and neither said anything. I asked them if everything was ok and my mum replying "no it f**king isn't OK, your father has got cancer." I just remember tears streaming down my face and being silent for the rest of the journey, just in total shock. I remember we got a phone call when we got back home and my dad was crying, his voice cracked as he said goodbye to us. He had been told that he needed to go to the hospital to start the treatment straight away. I still remember his face now and how frightened he looked as walked out of the door not knowing if he would ever see us again. It still makes me cry even today 12 years after he was diagnosed and 8 years after he passed away. It was a tough time and not knowing from one day to the next day if that would be the last day with him. He had his chemotherapy and he then started peritoneal dialysis because his kidneys had failed due to the cancer. I remember sitting with Dadz and him looking so thin and so frail, it broke my heart to see him like that.
To me he was always the strong one and the practical joker who was always laughing and playing jokes on us, well mostly me I think (I fell for most of them if not all of them!) It was hard to see him change in front of me and there was nothing we could do but be there for him. I used to sit with him while he did his dialysis in the spare room and we would chat about our days and just stuff, I'm grateful for those times we shared together. I can still picture us sat there with his dialysis bag hanging from the skylight. Little did I know, that seeing him go through this would give me my inner strength to go through it too with my kidneys failing. My family tried to stay strong and keep going for his sake but behind closed doors and away from others I cried and cried and cried till I cried my self to sleep.
In 2007 I did a trek for my Dad who had help from Macmillian to raise money to help families and patients like my Dad to get the support they needed. I was happy to do my bit to help Dadz and other families like ours going through it too. In 2006 we nearly lost him, he was in intensive care and we nearly lost him and I remember going into intensive care and just being so scared that that would be the last time I would see him. We got told to prepare ourselves for the worst. I was devastated and beside myself, I wasn't ready to say goodbye. Luckily he pulled through and we were able to have a few more years with him. He was in and out of hospital, then in 2008 he was taken back into hospital. I had to go and pick my brother up from school and take him to the hospital to see Dadz. We were once again scared that this was close to the end but again we had some more time with Dadz.
In 2009 my parents took my brother to look round uni in the Lake District and further north. It was there that my dad passed away. I got a phone call from my mum that my dad had been taken ill and was going to hospital, so my auntie drove me up to the Lake District and I just talked the whole way about rubbish because I was trying to distract myself about what I might be met with. I got the call from my mum and by the time I got to the Lake District he had passed away. I was just devastated, but I was glad to have said everything that I had wanted to a few days before to my Dad and he had given me his blessing to marry my hubby (ready for when he proposed to me.)
I have so many lovely memories of my Dad and all the adventures we have been on together. I remember his great sense of humour and his mischievous side, that often resulted in practical jokes. He was great at surprises, sometimes he would just pull the car over on the way to somewhere and open up the boot of the car and he would produce the most amazing picnics or he would take us on these crazy adventures out of the blue. I loved his way of making things exciting even if it was an ordinary thing.
I remember driving along a Spanish road onto these windy roads and he was singing a song so loudly we were all falling about laughing or shouting "Banditos" whenever we saw a sign. He would also play very funny practical jokes on us, mostly on me. He pointed to the top of the garden and said that there was a hedgehog up there, so he said let's go and have a look. So I crept up to the top of the garden and as I got closer I realised it was a bloody melon (not the yellow ones but the other little brownish ones.) I still can't believe I fell for it.
Another practical joke he did was on my birthday and I thought I was getting an art easel but when I opened the box it was kindling wood. He had taken the easel out and said it was a do it yourself kit lol!!
His best one is the picture at the top, it was Christmas and I thought I was getting my first mobile phone. I got given my main present and it was a tube and I thought oh god what have I got...? So I opened it and there was a slipper at one end so I pulled it out and something went flying, I realised it was my phone. and in the other end was the battery. It was the best practical joke he pulled on me and the picture is us having a little moment together where we were having a little chuckle.
My parents had surprised us that instead of going to Spain we were actually going to Florida and Mexico. When we were at Disneyland and we were going on a ride, he had told some American tourists that he knew the Queen or Lizzy as he called her (and they believed him - it was very amusing) then shortly after this he announced rather loudly while we were in the line that he shouldn't have eaten that burger and chips because he felt quite sick. You could see people backing away from us - it was the most hilarious thing he has ever done and I was in stitches. It shows his real jokey side and his great sense of humour which I miss.
I miss sitting down with him and chatting to him about my day. But I have so many fond memories which I treasure so much. I love looking back at our family pictures and remember little family stories. He was a great Dad and I miss him terribly but I use his zest for life and his bravery going through his illness which gave me my strength.
Us playing in the garden.
Me when I was 8 years old with my Dad. Then all of us in the garden.
My Dad when he was younger.
He used to have a motorbike and this is him on it. 
In Loving Memory Of My Dad.
Toodles XX
